By LYDIA FELLY AKULLU
What you need to know:
Women are no longer willing to settle for a man solely for security and stability. This may have been a necessity in the past, but today, women want partnership, emotional support, meaningful conversations, good sex, and therefore may not be willing to settle for a marriage just because they got pregnant.
Barred by her religion, 26-year-old Pamela Okori could not abort her baby. Her lover on the other hand asked that she terminates a pregnancy or risk losing their eight-year-old relationship.
Pamela was caught between choosing her religion or love life. After seven days of thought, she was not ready to betray her religion.
For some reason, she believed her boyfriend would allow her to keep the pregnancy. To her dismay, he was not ready to father a child.
Even though Pamela was not ready to be a parent, she was determined to raise her child even if it meant doing it alone. She has now put to birth and will stop at nothing to give her son a good upbringing.
“I was raised by Christians. They made it clear that abortion is murder. It is not an easy thing taking care of a child alone but this is a journey I have chosen to embark on, I have to do it,” Pamela.
She does not regret having her son. According to her, he is the best thing that has happened to her in a long time. Over the years, single motherhood is becoming a trend. Whereas many find themselves in such a situation, some women choose to become single mothers. Single motherhood has recently shot up and is attributed to several factors among which are death of male counterparts, separation of parents, early pregnancies, rape and many more.
Women-led households
According to a 2014 report by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development, (OECD) 17 percent of children aged 0-14 live in single parent households worldwide. Women head approximately 88 percent of these households. The same report also indicates that contrary to belief, the majority of single parents are employed.
Angie Emurwon, a film maker feels that single motherhood is a nuanced conversation with many factors at play. These factors she said range from the positive to negative.
On the positive side, more women have access to education, employment opportunities and personal agency, they no longer have to rely on marriage for stability and livelihood. As such, some women are no longer willing to settle for a man solely for security and stability.
This may have been a necessity in the past, but nowadays women want more from relationships: they also want partnership, emotional support, interesting conversation, good sex, and so on, and therefore may not be willing to settle for a marriage just because they got pregnant. She added that some women are choosing to have children when they would like to have children, without it being tied to also having found a partner.
She pointed out the use of contraceptives being a responsibility seen as that of the women.
“On the other hand, most men still think that contraception is the sole responsibility of the woman and so rather than it takes two to make a baby, it becomes, she got pregnant and, on some level, it is now her responsibility,” Ms Emurwon said.
Adding that “While we live in a time where conversations about sexual liberty are becoming more honest and open, it is still the case that men will not be stigmatised or penalised for having multiple sexual partners, and therefore, may not experience the same pressure to get married before having children or in the event of a pregnancy. While sexual liberty for a woman is not as easily acceptable in society and will often invite social bullying and/or being shamed, and so this same tone may be passed on when talking about single mothers – whether they are single mothers by choice or by circumstance.”
According to Karen Namperwa, counsellor Single motherhood is at an increase “because of peer pressure from friends. Some women today think they should have children with their partners simply because their friends do. In the end they are left alone with the child because the partners were not ready. This is also accompanied with the excitement of some women to have children yet the opposite side is not ready simply because they want to feel the joy of motherhood.”
She also spotlighted social media as a big contributor to single motherhood. Saying it creates avenues for people to freely talk about single motherhood which in the long run encourages many to explore the journey of being a single mother. She also pointed out online dating “There are also situations where some people engage in online relationships meet once and the next thing is a baby waiting without a father.”
Social media she says has created room for disrespect, “The comments and the way people interact on social media could be considered a family threat. This may leave some families torn apart.”
Reasons advanced
She put forward other reasons for the rise in number of single mothers in the country siting rape as a big factor. “Today rape is contributing a lot to single motherhood since most of the men are never ready to take responsibility but are only willing to fulfill and satisfy their sexual pleasures.”
One of the major global trends in family transition is single parenting occasioned by out-of-wedlock childbearing, marital dissolution through divorce, separation and widowhood. This
Increase in single parenthood is viewed as a component of the Second Demographic Transition that reflects changes that are occurring in marriage patterns, disconnection between marriage and childbearing, increase in premarital births, rise in divorce rates and decline in remarriage rates.
Increase in single parenthood particularly among women is of concern because research has continued to document negative health (physical, mental, psychological) and economic (poverty, reproduction of poverty) outcomes that are associated with single motherhood.
Research continues to highlight that single mothers are the poorest. This has been linked to socio-economic status such as educational levels, employment status, financial resources), family background and lack of support from their family members and spouse.
In most cases single mothers are more likely to have lower educational levels as most of them are victims of rape, early marriages or may have engaged themselves in reckless unprotected sex will still in school. This definitely forces most of them to drop out of school since they have to take care of the child.
Furthermore, they are more likely to be unemployed and if employed they are more likely to be employed in low paying jobs that are usually part-time and unstable jobs that can barely enable them to raise their children. Financial support from the fathers of their children and sometimes their family is limited. This leaves them hopeless and helpless most of the time. On the other hand, economically stable single mothers and their children tend to do well.
Masibo Judith, resident Mbale “I was raped and the man ran away leaving me without any support. His relatives bitterly wanted me to abort because they were not ready to have the baby but my parents insisted I keep the baby. Today I have a happy three-year-old son ready to go to school. I have faced a lot of challenges which have affected me a lot. Psychologically, mentally and emotionally sometimes I am deserted and stressed leaving me alone. Financially I am not able to fully support my son but my family has been there for me. My son sometimes calls my father “daddy” instead of grand-father. I would love the father of my baby to give support but he is not willing because he has another wife.”
Mercy Acayo, a teacher, says many independent women right now are in a relationship just for money. “I mean they now call it securing the future. The next thing you know, there is an innocent baby in the mix. Getting pregnant without the knowledge of a partner feels like a baby trap,” she says.
Is religion to blame?
Acayo adds that religion is a great contributor to spiraling numbers of single mothers. “If someone gets pregnant and they are not ready for it, I say get rid of the pregnancy. But women do not want to go against their religious beliefs, so they keep a pregnancy,” she says.
Sharon, a student at Makerere University, says her desire to become a single mother is inspired by Sheeba Karungi, a Ugandan artiste. “I love Sheeba and she has openly said she wants a child, but does not want a man. I want to walk in her shoes,” she said.
Mackline Ayebare, a student at Kyambogo University “I don’t see myself getting married but I admire children. Men are not compassionate at all. It is like they don’t even care what happens to you. It hurts so much giving you whole in a relationship and then you get dumped for someone they think is better than you. I just want to have a child and I will be fine. I cannot handle the shame of being dumped by a husband. I have prepared my mind to be a single mother and that is what I am going for. Men disgust me. Just the thought of spending a year with a man in the name of marriage scares me. Most men are also violent. I have seen women die because they took in violence from their husbands. I would rather stay single than have some man beat me up.”
Isabella Tushaba, always beaten by her husband, fled her marriage and has never thought of marrying again. She despises men and has continued to raise her two children without the help of her husband.
Some women do it out of will
After losing her husband to cancer, Magaret Atwine has not remarried and has chosen to raise her children by herself. According to her, men do not like taking care of children that belong to another man. To save her children emotional or even physical torture, Magaret wants to remain a single mother. “Men are not okay raising another man’s child. Even if they are okay with it, his family members may not support it. Innocent children are caught up in this mess and I do not want that kind of life for my children,” Ms Atwine said.
A lot of research has shown that there is no single reason for a shoot up in the number of single mothers. Whereas most women are forced into this situation, a few do it out of will.
Statistics
According to a 2014 report by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development, (OECD), 17 percent of children aged 0-14 live in single parent households worldwide. Women head approximately 88 percent of these households.
The 2011 research on Children’s Care and Living Arrangements by Better Care Network, showed that 20 percent are living with their biological mother and five percent are living with their father.
